Hello, Goodbye

I had to say entirely too many goodbyes yesterday and the day before. 

I had to say goodbye to the people I have lived my life with for the last 9 months. These people have made such an impact on my life it can't even be explained. These people who have become my best friends in such a short amount of time in comparison to the rest of my life. The seniors who won't be back next year. I am really going to miss all of you who made my first year of college so special.

Just another group photo ;)
(Just kidding Tor)

Plaza Plaz!

My best girls.

I had to say goodbye to campus, my dorm room, my roommate. This was weird. My whole life I have looked forward to college so I could move out of the house and live in a shoebox with some girl I didn't really know. Now that is over and I will be moving into an actual living space next year with this girl who has became more than just a roommate. She's a best friend. I'm not sure what to do with myself.

Moving on out!

Brookiepoo!

I had to say hello and goodbye to the people that I spent nearly 18 years of my life with. Seeing these friends is always such a blessing. It's so cool to see how people are evolving into the adults they are going to be for the rest of their lives rather than the high schoolers we were just a year ago. To see everyone getting along, everyone so happy, it makes me happy.

Typical. Love these girls.

Wish Meghan and Kayla could have been there!

This guy has been there for me through thick and thin. So proud of him!

Sunday I will be saying goodbye to my parents and family.

I miss my parents pretty often. I love seeing them so happy to have me home, even if it isn't for long. They are pretty great.

Best Momma I could ever ask for.

I don't have a picture of my dad and me from this week. Today is his birthday though! Happy birthday to one amazing dad!

Next week I will be saying hello to all of my new friends I have yet to meet.
I have a feeling that God has some pretty awesome plans in store for me.

To Be Continued...

New Life.

Be prepared for a story, my testimony. It's not meant to be a sob story, but proof of how good God is. If you don't want to read it, just scroll ahead :)

As most of you know, this year has been one of tremendous spiritual growth for me. When I came to Mizzou I was pretty confused about the whole "God thing". While I was raised in a home where I was expected to go to church (most) Sundays, I don't know that I truly ever understood what it meant to be a Christian or have a relationship with God until more recently.

I found myself really falling out of Christianity as a high schooler. I spent most of this time finding my value in academics, sports, my friends, my boyfriend, etc, etc. I never really thought about God much, but really just put Him on the back burner while I living a lifestyle which never proved to be completely fulfilling.

It wasn't until my Junior year that God became a prominent thought in my mind. That summer I lost a really good friend of mine, Shelby Estep, in a car accident. She was one of the best Christian influences in my life, and I found myself really angry at God after she passed away. I spent a lot of time extremely frustrated, confused, and really just questioning God and his goodness. This frustration continued into my senior year. After fall sports were over I was left with a lot of free time. With those being over also, I found myself feeling sort of lost, because I had found so much of my identity in them and the friends that I played them with.

October of that year is when things really started getting rough for me. I developed extremely low blood pressure which was causing me to pass out a lot and have migraines at least 3 days a week. That winter, I spent a month wearing a heart monitor. It felt like I was constantly at the hospital or the doctor's office for blood tests, cat scans, MRI's, etc. During that time I started feeling extremely lonely. Besides my awesome parents, I felt like I had no one that I could rely on anymore. I started isolating myself from my friends, and really became pretty bitter toward them. I started becoming even more reliant on my boyfriend. I was spending entirely too much time focused on our unhealthy relationship which was past the point of repair. I was anxious, sad, and felt pretty worthless. My relationship with God was still pretty non-existent (on my side of things I mean). I questioned His existence a lot. And if He did exist, why would He care about me?

Things finally started looking up that spring. After my decision to come to Mizzou, things finally ended with that boyfriend (for good). My medicines were finally straightened out and after months of testing, I got a diagnosis. I made an attempt to repair my friendships the best I could, because I knew I didn't have much time left with them. It was probably around that time that I realized that I something had been missing my life. The things I had previously relied on hadn't proved to be fulfilling or trustworthy and I had to find something else to satisfy myself.

I spent my summer preparing for college. I was finally about to get the break and the change that I had been looking toward. I look back now and can tell that God was using this time to begin healing and softening my heart as I longed for something greater. When I arrived at Mizzou, I was instantly plugged in with my brother's church friends. I had been reluctant, but they were so welcoming, so nice, and made me feel like I was finally making a right decision. I finally felt at home, which wasn't a feeling I was really used to anymore. I was nervous to get too involved right away, but it soon started to become extremely evident to me that God was, and had been working in my life all along.

As I started learning more about Him, I began pursuing a personal relationship with Him and surely began to love Him again. It hasn't all been easy. I still have a lot of questions. I won't ever know all there is to know. Since beginning to love Him again, I have still been hurt by people, and by myself. I have still struggled with events from my past. But, it is in those struggles that I am reminded of God's grace. He is a loving, jealous, forgiving God. And I am His.

Last night I decided that it was the appropriate time to publicly profess my love for Him. I had been baptized when I was 6, but what 6 year old really knows much of anything? I am so blessed to be constantly surrounded by friends who encourage me and help me grow. I am so blessed to have a supportive family who has never left my side. I am so blessed to have a brother who baptized me in the name of the father, son, and the holy spirit. I am so blessed to have Jesus in my life.

Eyes closed, but you get it.

I was blessed to be baptized with 12 brothers and sisters of mine.
Here are just five of them who have had a tremendous impact on my life this past year.

My main girl, Morgan. 

Just a portion of our amazing community. Photo Cred: Casey Batezel

And the most awkward baptism award goes to... Chris and Anna! Well, it's only fitting.

Reminiscing.

WARNING: The stress and anxiety that these last few weeks of school are going to bring (and are already bringing) will be reflected throughout this post.

This year is quickly coming to a close and I honestly can't quite wrap my mind around it. Seeing this year's seniors posting about prom and graduation makes me feel incredibly... nostalgic, homesick, old. I can remember these same events of my senior year, just one year ago, so perfectly. A year couldn't have possibly passed by already... Right? But it has.

And in that year I have gone through so many transformations. These have mostly been really great. It's so incredible that I have had the opportunity to move three hours away, encounter Christ in a way that I never imagined happening, build so many amazing friendships, and just grow up a little bit. I wouldn't change any of that for the world.

It's sad, though, that the relationships with the friends that I have had my entire life have changed in their dynamic. It's sad that I don't get to see my family as often as I would like. It's sad that I no longer live in the comfort of the home which I grew up and don't know as of now when my next extended stay there will even be. It is these things that I can't get off my mind lately.

SO, I have decided that rather than being sad about it, I am going to put up some pretty sweet pictures from my senior year. And I will be happy in remembering that I got to experience these things with some pretty incredible people. Because you guys are all awesome and I want you to know how much I miss you.

Anna, Anna, Short Hair. And other things interesting.

Well, I've been inspired folks. I was inspired by my beautiful sister-in-law Aimee to chop all my hair off. Okay, I didn't chop it ALL off like she did, but doesn't she look great? Check out the link. Next step, tattoo! Just kidding. Maybe in 8 years.

As for other things interesting, I have been up to a lot of school work. It has been a busy couple of weeks and it's not about to slow down. Bring it on, school! I am just about ready to be out of here and off the Colorado for the summer. However, that thought is starting to bring a little anxiety. The thought of moving to another state is a tad bit frightening, but none-the-less exciting.

Since being back to school, I have also got to do some fun things like:

-Put bologna on my face (its not really bologna, but you can see what I'm talking about here. Isn't Morgan awesome?)

-Attend birthday parties for Aimee, Katie, Sarah and Carter.

Birthday party for our three FLG April babies.

-Spend time with my amazing core group, consisting of the fabulous Tori Vaughan and the joyous Margaret Bedwell. We spent an awesome Saturday morning at Capen.

This girl has been such a blessing to me.

-And enjoy a terrific Thursday afternoon at The Campus Lutheran Church for Mizzou Prayer Week.

Pray Without Ceasing.

God has placed some pretty phenomenal people in my life. So many adjectives.

Today is game day. Ohhh Yeah. Me+ multiple Plaza Canvas Groupies + various others will be spending our evening in St. Louis. Happy Friday, game day, beginning of the weekend! Love you guys!

Cardinal Nation.
(Special thanks to T. Vaughan)

My spring break thus far.

It's only Monday night, but my Ash Grove spring break SO FAR has been full of:

Family time.
Thrifting.
Much needed rest & time with the Lord.
Podcasts.
Crafts.
Trying to make an effort to work out,
But there is snow outside, so that makes things interesting.
& Living vicariously through all my friends on all of their trips.
       (I am SO happy to be home, but it is still fun checking up on everyone.)

I really don't have much to talk about other than show you some pictures of my sweet come up I found at a thrift store in Springfield Saturday.

Check. these. out.

I can honestly say that I have never been so excited about a thrift store find in my life. 

I did cut them because they went down to my knees.

Anyway, you can't tell me those aren't going to be cool. 

Well, you can, but I won't believe you.

I also made the wrap bracelet here ^ yesterday. This picture doesn't do it justice, but it's pretty cool.

I think so anyways.

Besides these two things, I have also made two pairs of shorts from jeans I found thrifting. I would post pictures, but I really feel like the two selfies I already have on here are probably enough.
Sorry if you are a guy who just suffered through this post and have no care in the world about what I have been doing with my time. Or if you are a girl too, I guess. The overalls were worth it right? RIGHT.

For those of you on break, enjoy it!
For those of you who aren't, keep pushing through! Summer is almost here. I think (if it will ever stop snowing).


SMILE :)
And leave a comment if you're feeling really generous ;)