It's been a while, I know. Five exams and a lot of studying kind of served as a road block for any blogging in the last week. I do have something I want to talk about though. WARNING: It is serious and is similar to a journal entry of some sort, so if you aren't into that sort of thing, sorry!
I think I'm in the process of learning a big lesson right now. I can't come up with any explanation other than I believe it's God's way of reaching out to me and telling me exactly this:
When I moved to Columbia a little over two months ago, all I could think about was recreating my identity. I took the move as an opportunity to start fresh, make new friends, and basically have a new life. It's not that I was ashamed of the person I had become, but like any normal person, I have made mistakes and I was ready to jump on the opportunity of moving to a large college where no one knew about any of them. No one here could judge me by my past, and my past wouldn't have any effect on my future, so I thought. Here's the problem with that philosophy: If God wanted me to be done with the life I was living, I think He would have taken care of that. I know that seems harsh. Here I have been though, living in my little Mizzou bubble for the most part, when all of a sudden everything seemed to come crashing down on me so suddenly. Everything I have been working to escape has came rushing back into my life and I am reminded of it all. As thoughts of the rough patches flooded my emotions, I vividly remembered my darkest days, my struggles. It was then that I stopped to think that maybe there is a reason for this. Maybe this was God's way of waking me up and reminding me of who and why I am. God has forgiven me for my mistakes, yes, but if they hadn't happened, where would I be today? Not here. If my past wasn't my past, I wouldn't be me, the person I am today growing in my faith and really just in life. Maybe college isn't supposed to be "a fresh start" as so many made me believe it was would be, but simply just the next step on my one, collaborative journey.
So here is an overview. It has been so easy to get caught up in the newness of things. It is such a great feeling to know that I am making friends that could end up being my best friends for the rest of my life, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. The problem I think I am struggling with, is forgetting my past. A lot of my past has been really good: I have been brought up by the most amazing, supportive parents I could have ever asked for. I was blessed beyond belief in my upbringing and have always had a great support system. I have friends and family from my past who are still willing to make an effort to come see me, which I think is amazing. And the parts that weren't so good, I think are still worth remembering. My mistakes can serve as lessons to learn from, and grow from. I have to remember that my testimony consists of ALL of my past, good or bad, and that is what has shaped me into Anna. I will never be perfect, nor would I want to. I have flaws and I will make more mistakes in the future, but I will be the best Anna I know how to be. I will live as the Anna today, as shaped by my past.
To lighten the mood of this post, as always, here are some pics from my last couple weeks :)
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Two of my favorite Ash Grovians at the
Vanderbilt game! |
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So blessed to have this group of girls
in my life. |
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| We rearranged the room! |
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| Some of my favorite girls. |
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Before the torrential downpour at
the Alabama game! |
