New Life.

Be prepared for a story, my testimony. It's not meant to be a sob story, but proof of how good God is. If you don't want to read it, just scroll ahead :)

As most of you know, this year has been one of tremendous spiritual growth for me. When I came to Mizzou I was pretty confused about the whole "God thing". While I was raised in a home where I was expected to go to church (most) Sundays, I don't know that I truly ever understood what it meant to be a Christian or have a relationship with God until more recently.

I found myself really falling out of Christianity as a high schooler. I spent most of this time finding my value in academics, sports, my friends, my boyfriend, etc, etc. I never really thought about God much, but really just put Him on the back burner while I living a lifestyle which never proved to be completely fulfilling.

It wasn't until my Junior year that God became a prominent thought in my mind. That summer I lost a really good friend of mine, Shelby Estep, in a car accident. She was one of the best Christian influences in my life, and I found myself really angry at God after she passed away. I spent a lot of time extremely frustrated, confused, and really just questioning God and his goodness. This frustration continued into my senior year. After fall sports were over I was left with a lot of free time. With those being over also, I found myself feeling sort of lost, because I had found so much of my identity in them and the friends that I played them with.

October of that year is when things really started getting rough for me. I developed extremely low blood pressure which was causing me to pass out a lot and have migraines at least 3 days a week. That winter, I spent a month wearing a heart monitor. It felt like I was constantly at the hospital or the doctor's office for blood tests, cat scans, MRI's, etc. During that time I started feeling extremely lonely. Besides my awesome parents, I felt like I had no one that I could rely on anymore. I started isolating myself from my friends, and really became pretty bitter toward them. I started becoming even more reliant on my boyfriend. I was spending entirely too much time focused on our unhealthy relationship which was past the point of repair. I was anxious, sad, and felt pretty worthless. My relationship with God was still pretty non-existent (on my side of things I mean). I questioned His existence a lot. And if He did exist, why would He care about me?

Things finally started looking up that spring. After my decision to come to Mizzou, things finally ended with that boyfriend (for good). My medicines were finally straightened out and after months of testing, I got a diagnosis. I made an attempt to repair my friendships the best I could, because I knew I didn't have much time left with them. It was probably around that time that I realized that I something had been missing my life. The things I had previously relied on hadn't proved to be fulfilling or trustworthy and I had to find something else to satisfy myself.

I spent my summer preparing for college. I was finally about to get the break and the change that I had been looking toward. I look back now and can tell that God was using this time to begin healing and softening my heart as I longed for something greater. When I arrived at Mizzou, I was instantly plugged in with my brother's church friends. I had been reluctant, but they were so welcoming, so nice, and made me feel like I was finally making a right decision. I finally felt at home, which wasn't a feeling I was really used to anymore. I was nervous to get too involved right away, but it soon started to become extremely evident to me that God was, and had been working in my life all along.

As I started learning more about Him, I began pursuing a personal relationship with Him and surely began to love Him again. It hasn't all been easy. I still have a lot of questions. I won't ever know all there is to know. Since beginning to love Him again, I have still been hurt by people, and by myself. I have still struggled with events from my past. But, it is in those struggles that I am reminded of God's grace. He is a loving, jealous, forgiving God. And I am His.

Last night I decided that it was the appropriate time to publicly profess my love for Him. I had been baptized when I was 6, but what 6 year old really knows much of anything? I am so blessed to be constantly surrounded by friends who encourage me and help me grow. I am so blessed to have a supportive family who has never left my side. I am so blessed to have a brother who baptized me in the name of the father, son, and the holy spirit. I am so blessed to have Jesus in my life.

Eyes closed, but you get it.

I was blessed to be baptized with 12 brothers and sisters of mine.
Here are just five of them who have had a tremendous impact on my life this past year.

My main girl, Morgan. 

Just a portion of our amazing community. Photo Cred: Casey Batezel

And the most awkward baptism award goes to... Chris and Anna! Well, it's only fitting.